I don’t think there was any way I could have truly prepared for the first weeks of my baby’s life. I heard all the things, which usually involved “Just wait until…” or “It’s really hard. Period.” But having a baby is something you have to experience to really understand what it’s like to suddenly become a mom. 

With both of my kids (who in the blink of an eye are already 4 and 2.5), most of my fourth trimester passed in a blur. But some things are embedded in my memory. Here are 10 things that surprised me in the first weeks with my son. 

I Felt Invisible

Thanks to social media, it’s no secret that most moms feel forgotten in the excitement after their baby’s arrival. Four years ago, this wasn’t something I expected to feel or, if I’m being honest, thought I would even care about. Even I was more focused on my baby than on myself. But in hindsight, I felt cast aside. I was the one who pushed this human out of my body after 12 hours of labor. My world completely shifted on its axis and I wanted to yell at anyone who’d listen about just how untethered I felt. 

Newborns Make The Weirdest Noises

I was utterly unprepared for the noises newborns make. The grunting, pooping, squeaking, and straight-up neighing like a horse. The little sounds of them stretching after a nap or smacking their tiny lips in anticipation of milk. I am so grateful I captured some of these things on film because they’re my favorite videos to look back on.

Staring At Them Will Become Your Favorite Pastime 

A bunch of my friends recently had their first babies, and I found myself just staring at these sweet babies, watching their little movements, observing every detail. It brought me right back to the first weeks with my own babies and how I was in sheer awe of them. Who knew someone could be so tiny! Mornings were my favorite time of day for watching—I’d set my son up on the playmat, prop up a book, and quietly observe him while sipping my coffee. 

They Don’t Just ✨Sleep✨

I was fully under the impression that babies just slept when tired. And that you could just lay them down in their bassinet or crib and, as long as all of the environmental factors were checked off (swaddle, sound machine, dark room), they’d happily snooze away. But that wasn’t my experience. Babies are biologically programmed to want to be close 24/7, and I found myself overwhelmed when my son only wanted to sleep on me.

Breastfeeding Is a Skill for All Involved

I expected to simply plop my boob in front of my son’s tiny face and we’d both know what to do. It turns out, that even with the basic knowledge I learned in my online breastfeeding course, I still needed a couple of visits with an IBCLC and a lot of practice to get the hang of things. While babies are born with reflexes that ready them for nursing, we as breastfeeding parents don’t have innate knowledge that makes it feel second nature.  

Prep For Your Baby, But Also Yourself

I spent so much time researching all the things for my baby, thinking I’d just adapt and adjust. But I wish I had focused on prepping for my own postpartum experience more. For some odd reason, I didn’t expect I’d need any help (outside of my husband)—and wow, was I wrong. I wish I would have lined up postpartum support like a meal train, and asked the people around me for help. 

You Might Feel Like You’re Living On A Different Planet

We were on the way to my son’s first doctor’s appointment. He was three days old. I remember looking out of the backseat window (of course I was riding next to him) and being amazed by all of the people just…going about their lives. I’d only been in the newborn bubble for three days and already I had forgotten the world was still carrying on as usual. It was a surreal feeling. 

You’ll Never Actually Have It All Figured Out, And That’s Okay 

When I say I love learning, I mean it. If I could be in school for the rest of my life, I totally would. So as I progressed through my pregnancy, I immersed myself in all of the books and followed a ton of parenting accounts and sleep consultants. It was truly information overload. My perfectionism was shining. 

But I was quickly humbled in the early weeks. I had all the tips and tricks and plans for how I wanted to do things, but what I realized was that I had little to no control—he was his own person and wasn’t going to live by the books. If I could go back, I’d do my best to lower my expectations, go with the flow, and try to lean into my own intuition. 

I Didn’t Expect to Resent My Husband

We went into marriage (and parenthood) with a pretty egalitarian approach. Aside from yard work and car stuff, we generally split chores and contributed to the running of the household equally. But, as a mom, I found myself the default parent. I envied that my husband’s life didn’t seem to change as much as mine. I’ve only just started making time and space for myself in that way, and while it’s not always easy, it’s been so great for my mental health. 

It’s Okay to Feel All the Feels

I always dreamed of becoming a mom. When we found ourselves struggling to get pregnant, I was devastated. Fast forward to being in the thick of the fourth trimester—the transition to motherhood turned my world upside down. I didn’t expect to experience any negative or ambivalent thoughts or feelings and the juxtaposition of those emotions with the joy of a dream come true was unsettling. I was very hard on myself. 

What I have since learned is that multiple things can be true at once, and it’s actually normal to feel all of the feels. The fourth trimester is full of ups and downs, learning and growing. It’s extremely fleeting, and a time filled with so much love. Lean into that and know that “good enough” is all you truly need to be.